I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize