I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
