i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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