my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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