I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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