Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
