Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
