i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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