Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
