NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
