How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
