does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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