I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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