I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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