Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
