I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
