Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
