This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
