Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
