Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
