Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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