I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
