How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
