Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
