Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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