Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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