So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
