Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We named our party play list daddy issues
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
