so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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