She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
