Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize