I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
