Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
