you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
