I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
