You can't motorboat a personality
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
