I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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