Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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