How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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