Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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