Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
