The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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