Christians are straight up FREAKS
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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