i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize