She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
