I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
