I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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