if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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