Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
