If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
