So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dicks are not precious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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