im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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