Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
