Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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