i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
