he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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