the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
as a side note pls kill me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
