Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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