Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
