yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize