hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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