McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize